


set fire to the floor

by atlantisairlock



Category: xXx (Movies)
Genre: Epic Friendship, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Humor, Future Fic, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Mission Fic, Team as Family, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 15:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10494033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlantisairlock/pseuds/atlantisairlock
Summary: Xiang calls Serena at 6 AM for some urgent help.





	

**Author's Note:**

> oh serena my precious baby why did they do you and xander dirty with that uglie hetero love story. 
> 
> was going to be more adele/serena centric but then spiralled into this. v fun.
> 
> title from 'fire to the floor' by sezairi sezali.

Xiang wakes her up with a call at six in the morning to her secure line. It's the morning after she's just finished a week-long recon mission in some buttfuck-nowhere portion of Australia that has a one to ten thousand ratio of people to venomous snakes and he  _knows_ this, so she's not actually sure why his name is appearing in all caps on her phone screen. She swipes to answer it. "What."

"Serena, we need your help."

"Fucking _dickhead,"_ Serena mutters, puts her phone back down, and goes back to sleep.

 

 

The call doesn't surprise her exactly, because Xiang is an asshole with no sense of propriety. What does surprise her is that he keeps calling back. Three times, to be exact. Eventually she can't stand hearing her phone buzz endlessly against her bedside drawer any more. Serena groans and picks the phone back up again, rolling over so she's staring up at her ceiling. "Xiang Jun Qi. You are  _Triple X._ You have all the resources, weaponry and underworld contacts you could need at the press of a fucking button. I have personally seen you incapacitate thirty trained assassins in ten minutes,  _and_ escape from a hostage situation with nothing on you except a chopstick. Besides, as far as I know, you are currently finishing up a mission with Xander Cage, who is  _the_ Triple X. What kind of trouble could you _possibly_ be in that would warrant calling  _me_ at six-in-the-fucking-morning?!" 

There is a long pause over the line. "It's six?"

Serena pinches the bridge of her nose. "For someone with an IQ of 180, you forget to account for timezones more often than you change your underwear."

"Hey," Xiang says, sounding mildly offended. "How do you know how many times I change my underwear anyway?"

If Xiang was not currently in the Amazon Jungle or some equally leafy place Serena would be tempted to take the first flight in just to strangle him. "Stop changing the subject! What do you  _want!"_

There is another long silence. Serena yawns and eyes her clock critically, wondering where she should go for breakfast. She deserves a treat after a tough mission and her fridge is empty save a suspicious looking jar of yogurt. She's debating whether the bakery two blocks down would be worth checking out when Xiang comes back on the line. "Well, you know how X and I were finishing up our mission?"

"Oh Jesus _Christ_. Did you piss off somebody important again? Should I get Hawk to call one of his contacts and bail you out of jail?"

"No, it's nothing like that. I mean, we did piss someone off but X took care of that. Anyway the point is that it was a crazy mission and we both nearly died so there was a lot of tension and adrenaline and - "

 _"Xiang,"_ Serena grinds out through clenched teeth. "Get. To. The. Point. Now." 

"Okay the point is there were a lot of emotions and feelings and things and we may have kinda-sorta-maybe proposed to each other informally and it's a bit weird but we both really meant it but we're heading off on separate missions in a week and they're both long haul and we don't know when we'll see each other again for a while so we want to get things done and dusted so  _can you help us plan a wedding in a week?"_

Silence. Serena takes a long, deep breath and calmly hangs up again.

 

 

She gives herself a well-deserved ten minutes to wash up before calling Xiang back. "I'm sorry if I missed something momentous in the course of our working relationship, but why exactly do you want _my_ help planning your wedding with X?"

"We're wanted criminals in three continents - we can't exactly go to any wedding planner down the street," Xiang reasons. "And because you're good at organising things! And you've got a good head on your shoulders. You're _balanced._ You'd plan a  _great_ wedding and it would translate off paper well. Nobody else in our little ragtag gang ticks _all_ those boxes. Besides, you're my best friend!"

"Debatable," Serena growls. Xiang whines over the phone, because he is a baby. "Come on, Serena, just help us out. X and I wouldn't know where to start when it comes to wedding planning. And we're the grooms! We just want to enjoy our big day and exchange rings and sob a bit and then go on our high-risk incommunicado missions for three months." 

 _I hate assassins,_ Serena thinks, running a hand through her hair. "I can't do it alone. I'm going to get the help of everyone on our, as you call them,  _little ragtag gang._ And you will pay all of us good money."

"What, I have to pay you?"

"Do you want a wedding?" She cuts him off before he can keep going. "Do you want to  _live?"_

"I think I can spare fifty thousand bucks."

"Each. USD."

"Ugh, you extortionist," Xiang grumbles, which she takes to be agreement. "Do X and I have to do anything?"

Serena shudders at the thought of either of them trying to interfere. "Look, let me do my thing and I'll call you in a week and you just turn up where I tell you to, wearing what I tell you to, and bring the money." 

"You're the best!"

"You fucking know it," Serena replies, and goes for a nice, long breakfast to calm her nerves.

 

 

The first thing she does once she's finished with a halfway decent bagel is to create a group chat with the others.

**To: Hawk, Talon, Tennyson, Becky, Nicks, the gf (all)**

_need your help urgently_

**From: Nicks**

_what up?_

**From: Talon**

_at eight am???_

**From: the gf**

_anything for you babe ;)_

**To: all**

_need to plan x & x wedding in ONE WEEK_

**From: Becky**

_um._

**From: Hawk**

_no._

**From: the gf**

_i take it back_

 

 

Because it is, after all, a team of Triple X-ers, everyone manages to find a way to get to Serena's house by noon the same day. Serena spends the hours before they rush in from various corners of the world making a list of what needs to be done. It's a long list. 

"It's just a wedding," Nicks whines, lounging on the couch with his feet on the coffee table and reading off the list. "Why is there so much to do? What is this? Book location, cater food, order flowers, order wine, order cake, order tuxes, set up tables, set up decorations, locate officiator, arrange transport, buy rings, book music, book photographer, book tattoo artist... book tattoo artist? For what?" 

"Xiang gets a tattoo every time he wants to commemorate a major event in his life," Talon points out. "I think this can be considered pretty major."

Adele is pouting. Serena thinks she looks really hot when she does that, but it's neither the time nor place. "This is bullshit. I'm a sniper, not fucking Martha Stewart." 

"Okay, first of all, Martha Stewart cooks. Second, technically _I'm_ the one planning it, you're all just helping me execute the plan because I only have so many hands and hours in a day," Serena says. "And finally, Xiang is paying each of us fifty thousand USD for it."

Adele sits straight up in her chair. "Alright, just call me Adele Wolff, wedding planning extraordinaire."

There is a chorus of snorts. Serena puts on a bright grin. "That's the spirit!" 

 

 

Hawk and Talon work best as a team and have all the contacts, so Serena puts them to work searching for a very discreet officiator, booking a good photographer at such short notice, and working out how to fly Xiang's usual artist into Brazil. Tennyson has an amazing palate, apparently, so Serena puts him in charge of food and wine. Nicks, being a self-proclaimed baller - she has never understood what that really means - dutifully goes off to rent tuxes after texting Xander and Xiang for their sizes, and tries to figure out how to bribe Xander's favourite band into performing live. Becky happily volunteers to be in charge of flowers and decor, and Adele's experience in the field around the world means she's in charge of finding a perfect location in Brazil and dealing with general logistics. Which leaves Serena to handle transport, find a nice pair of rings, get a wedding cake done, and write a speech. All in a week's time.

"How about security?" Becky asks nervously, pushing her glasses up her nose. Tennyson nods seriously in agreement, and Nicks rolls his eyes. "We're Triple X. I think we can be our own security."

"Hey, I have a great idea," Hawk says, covering his cellphone mic with a hand so the person on the other end doesn't hear him. "We should get Xander to wait at the altar and have Xiang ride in  _on a horse."_

Serena sighs. It's going to be a long week. 

 

 

On Day Two, Serena rings Tennyson to check on him. 

"I found a caterer, but the manager believes the moon landing was  _real."_

Serena just pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. 

And that's just the start.

 

 

The first officiator that can squeeze the wedding onto his schedule turns out to hold a grudge against Xiang for offing his son a couple years back and was planning to shoot him during the wedding ceremony, so that ends up nixed.

"In fairness, it was the one with genocidal plans so it's not really Xiang's fault," Talon tells Serena over the phone. The connection is a bit crackly - he and Hawk are calling all the way from Batam, where they're hunting down another possible lead. Serena frowns. "Was that the let's-reenact-Tokyo-subway-Sarin one or the one who was convinced he was King Leopold II reincarnated?"

"Neither, it was the one who was intent on stealing the smallpox samples and infecting people."

Serena winces at the memory. Hawk comes in over the line. "This one we're looking for seems alright. Backup check comes up clean. I think she might try to wheedle more money out of X and Xiang though."

"I'd let her," Serena replies. "Get back to me when you find her."

"Hey, are we not going through with my horse idea?"

"Shut up, Hawk," Serena and Talon say at the same time, continents apart, and Serena ends the call.

 

 

Xander's favourite band, it turns out, is some indie hard rock group that have never performed to an audience larger than a hundred people, so they happily agree to come perform for a modest fee. Nicks has been surprisingly efficient and Serena expresses admiration that he got hold of them so fast.

"Oh, yeah, it's because I know the bassist, sucked his dick in college behind the bleachers," Nicks informs her in the tone he uses to talk about the weather. Of course, it has to be when she's on speakerphone in her living room with Adele and Becky while they're deciding on their outfits for the day itself. Becky buries her face in her hands and Adele just cackles. Serena sighs. "That's nice, Nicky. And more than I ever needed to know about you. I'll call you back."

"Don't tell me you never sucked a dick," Adele is saying, nudging Becky playfully. She looks rather put out. "It's not my fault boys run away screaming when they find out I'm better at everything than they are. Do you guys know I haven't kissed anyone since  _prom?"_

Adele arches an eyebrow. "I would offer, but I think Serena would be pissed." She leans over and kisses Serena on the cheek. "You should mess around with Nicks. That boy will sleep with anyone."

"Yay for him," Serena answers drily. "He's a bloody menace. He'll probably come back with the tuxes two days late because he was too busy fucking the tailor."

"At least the tuxes will probably be free," Adele states, and Serena has the grace to concede the point.

 

 

On Day Four, Becky flies in to Brazil on a private jet Gibbs helps her charter to check out the location Adele's reserved, so she can see how her decor concept fits the place. She comes back an hour late with Nicks and the rented tuxes in tow.

"I wasn't being serious," Adele says, gaping like a fish at Becky's smug expression when she walks into Serena's apartment. "But is he any good?"

"My reputation precedes me," Nicks swaggers. "Is there any of the good stuff in your fridge, Unger?"

Serena rolls her eyes. "Get out of my house."

"I thought you wanted to match the tuxes with corsages today!"

_"Out!"_

 

 

"Adele."

"Yes, babe?"

"I've got the wedding cake settled, Gibbs is flying X and Xiang in to the wedding on a jet and we have tickets for a first class flight into Manaus tomorrow - Darius helped us book hotel rooms near the location so we're good. I just need to go ring shopping. Come with me."

"Oh, that's _so_ romantic," Adele deadpans. "Is this a prelude to you proposing?"

Serena gags. "I'm not pulling an idiot move like the boys. When I propose it's going to sweep you off your feet."

Adele faux-swoons. "We should get their rings engraved with some cheesy quote. Celine Dion.  _My heart will go on._ Oooh. Xiang would throw a fit."

Against her will, Serena laughs. "You are  _bad."_

"And you love it," Adele says, kissing her soundly. "Tiffany or Cartier?"

 

 

The flight into Manaus goes smoothly, Darius picks them up at the airport, and everyone checks into their rooms. Hawk grouses about rooming with Talon and Talon grumbles something about having the room beside Nicks and Becky's, but other than that the penultimate day goes fine. Everyone is pretty satisfied with having done good work over the past week and goes to kick back at the pool or gym or bar. Serena, on the hand, continues to slog over her unfinished best woman/emcee script and sweats over all the final arrangements. She's quite positively half out of her mind when they all congregate for a pizza dinner in Darius and Tennyson's room.

"Stop worrying," Darius tells her kindly. "It'll turn out fine."

"It better, I want that fifty thousand," Nicks grumbles. Becky, to her credit, smacks his arm gently. "Don't be such a grouch, be happy for your friends!"

"That too," he amends. "Anyway I'm sure Darius is right, it'll be fine."

There's silence as they eat their pizza and drink their beer. Hawk mutters under his breath. "I still liked my horse idea."

 

 

An hour before the wedding Serena is freaking out. "This is more stressful than any mission I've ever been on!"

"It's not even  _your_ wedding," Becky reasons. Which is very sensible, but after a week of grinding her teeth and making endless calls it kind of feels like it is. "I have to make sure it goes  _perfectly!"_

Adele comes up behind her and puts an arm around her waist. "It  _will,_ Serena. Everything will work out okay, you've done great planning. Just calm down and wait for Gibbs to fly the boys in, alright?"

She says alright, but worries anyway - worries until the jet lands, until Xander and Xiang turn up in their flawless tuxes - kudos to Nicks - and Darius starts walking Xander down the aisle to Xiang, who's standing at the makeshift altar with a smile on his face. Serena's standing beside him with the rings and she gets to watch them just stare at each other while the officiator reads the vows. 

_To have and to hold,_

_For better or for worse,_

_For richer or for poorer,_

_In sickness and in health,_

_To love and to cherish,_

_Till death do us part._

When they kiss she catches Adele's eye in the front, and Adele gives her one of her rare, soft, open smiles, the ones she saves for the most special of moments. Serena wonders if she should start planning that proposal.

 

 

Xander is really happy to hear his favourite band play live and makes sure to shake the band members' hands after they do their set, but then Nicks gets bored and starts kicking around and playing DJ so it becomes a bit like a dance floor. It's like a wild party. Serena's not sure why she expected anything less.

About two hours in, the sun has set and the sky is wine-dark outside and Xiang catches her at the table with the wine. "Serena. Thanks. I mean it." He's grinning like he's on top of the world. "I know it must have taken a hell of a lot to plan a wedding in seven days, but... it was perfect. I don't know what's going to happen on our missions tomorrow, Xander and I, but we will always have tonight. We will always have this. And we have you to thank for that. The whole team, obviously, but you especially. You're the best friend a guy could ask for."

And okay, she won't lie - that makes it feel really worth it. Serena smiles back at him and punches his shoulder lightly. "Go and get inked and dance with your man. And remember to pay us that fifty thousand."

"Extortionist," Xiang sighs, but nods and melts away onto the floor.

 

 

The party winds down just before midnight, and Serena surveys the scene as everyone heads back to the hotel with Adele by her side.

"Cleanup will be hell," Adele comments drowsily, and Serena leans in against her. "This was pretty fun, but I'm not sure I want to be involved in planning a wedding again for a while. It was a wild ride."

Serena grins at her. "Really? I was thinking you and me, we could apply for a permit at a National Park..."

"I'm listening," Adele laughs, and Serena laughs along with her. "What can I say? Just call me Serena Unger, wedding planning extraordinaire." 

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: i made up the bit about there being somewhere in australia with a people-to-snake ratio of 1:10000 but if it really exists please inform me so i can put it on my Avoid At All Costs list + gave xiang a random chinese name yay! for my interested fellow chinese, it's made out of the 俊 & 齐 characters.


End file.
